The Career Woman

Since I gave up being a rockstar, and made the transition to career woman (or so I’d like to think), I drifted from one firm to another. In the first 4 years of legal practice, I flitted between 3 firms: the first was where I did my pupillage (a 9-month-long practical of sorts, which would’ve driven me crazy had it not been for the fact that I met my  two BFFs there: J and C). They made things fun and bearable, and although I was not finally retained there (let’s say that my then-boss and I had some ‘issues’ and didn’t see eye-to-eye…), J and C are still the best friends I’ve known and we’re constantly in contact, seeing each other through trials and tribulations, heart-breaks, joy & happiness, marriage, pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood. These, I know, are the friends I will have for life.

Then I moved on to another big firm, where I spent 3 miserable years battling errant defaulters and the court system. I enjoyed the first year and a half, and then the nights at work got later and later, until one day, I decided I had had enough, and moved on to a lecturing position in a college. I lasted 6 months there, tendering my resignation after only 3 months for want of challenge- sure, I liked the laid-back lifestyle, I enjoyed nurturing younger minds and preparing them for the outside world, but I felt like I was made for more at that age, I was still young. It was back to legal practice after that, a horrid year at a firm where the partners were so tight-fisted and inconsiderate that they asked me if I was going to keep my baby when I announced my pregnancy, made me visit construction sites every weekend (with no extra pay nor extra leave days) until I was 8 months pregnant and rang me on my mobile while I was in labour because they needed to check something ‘urgent’ with me. For all my hard work and suffering, I was given a 300-dollar increment for the coming year and 2 months’ bonus. It was peanuts. I was fuming mad.

Then came Work Paradise. A friend passed on the word that so-and-so were hiring, and whether I was interested. This firm prided itself on hand-picking its lawyers by word of mouth or recommendation only. It was also a very young firm, only a year old. As destiny would have it, they wanted me, and I wanted them. It was the perfect partnership, and I began to see a glimmer of hope in my career at last. Six months down the road at Work Paradise, I knew, for sure, that this was where my career would end, where I would retire. It was everything I had been searching for, and not just the work: it was the people and the way of life. For the very first time in my career, I was very happy. I worked late nights, weekends, throwing myself into the firm because I simply believed in everything it stood for. Some days were good, some were bad, but I took it all in as part and parcel of the job… and saw myself as one of the pioneers of partners who would serve the firm and bring it to good stead for the next 20 years.

Last year, though, I hit a snag that threatened to tear away my sense of security and belonging with the firm. As head of department, I am accountable for all acts, omissions, default or neglect of the people in my department- strange but true. I am not a partner, neither do I earn the salary of a partner- but I am skilled at what I do, so they made me head, gave me responsibilties, pushing me towards the sense of belonging and one-ness with the firm. I thought that I had shown calibre, strength, solid work ethics and excellent performance. But I had not counted on the failings of the people in my department, the lack of support, that then threatened my position, reduced me to tears, resulted in a poor year-end appraisal. The bottomline was: I had lost the partnership they had planned for me come 5 January 2009. 

I could’ve been a partner. Now. My parents would be terribly proud of me. I would’ve been honoured to have been made so. But it slipped from my fingers, being held off and deferred uncertainly. My bonus and increment for the year was also deferred until several key performance indicators were met (billing and collection, and my resolution of the file that erupted into an explosion, career-killing, for damned sure…) Until such time, though, the status quo would be maintained.

Today, I am just doing the best that I can, running my department, making sure things go smoothly as they ever can. A little part of me is numbed inside, I have lost my confidence- but I know that I need to find that quickly, and get back into business. At least I still have my job.